So many people talk about the damaged inner child but in my case I seemed to need to damage my perfect up bringing in order to create lessons and experiential chaos.
My parents were beautiful people and taught us about love, happiness, playfulness, religion and quality values. We didn’t have much money so holidays were camping and visits to our relatives in the prairies. They welcomed all our friends into our home for home-baked goodies and often fun parties. So why did I have to ‘bust out’ and look for something different?
All my friends were married with families and I was still unsettled. It was a time of transition and a fearlessness to move forward. I now know, we sometimes react rather than pro-act, and make conscious decisions. I chose to marry for fun and glamour. I learned to ski, golf and boat, which l couldn’t afford before. My husband was good at all that and was also a talented and creative builder. The first few years were fun until drinking and gambling made an unsettling debut and what was to follow wasn’t pretty.
One night, beaten, full of anger and sick from swallowing a bottle of aspirin, I called my mother. She came and helped me through the night but told me she truly didn’t know me anymore. I had sunk to one of my lowest points in life. I was bruised and beaten inside and out. Her distain and concern began to bring back some reality and connection to my roots. It took some time to climb out of that hole but the journey wasn’t over yet.
We separated, but unfortunately I agreed to a meeting. We fought and once again I was beaten so badly that a friend he was living with took me to emergency. I couldn’t open my eyes for days and when I did the whites were solid red. I told my parents that I had been in a car accident. With a last coupe de grace, months later he came to my apartment to borrow the old car I had purchased then lost it in a gambling game, signed my name and left town. I was now destitute. I had co-signed paperwork for his company and was fully responsible for the debt because I had a job. My wages were garnisheed and I had to walk to work.
I loved my job and was supported by my boss who allowed me to be part of a leased car pool. Five years later I was able to buy out the lease and made $5000. A friend talked me into investing in a small cabin in Deep Cove. I followed the advise, found a renter and was on my way to a new financial freedom.
My strong upbringing had enabled me to endure these hard fought powerful lessons and expedited my growth and development into a spiritually fulfilled life.
With gratitude to Mom & Dad.