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The Inner Adult Busting Out

So  many  people talk  about  the  damaged  inner child  but  in  my case  I  seemed to need to damage my perfect up bringing in order to create lessons and experiential chaos.

My  parents   were  beautiful   people  and  taught  us  about  love,  happiness,  playfulness, religion  and  quality  values.    We  didn’t  have  much  money  so   holidays  were  camping  and  visits to our relatives in the  prairies.   They  welcomed all  our friends into  our home for home-baked goodies  and  often fun parties.  So  why did  I have to  ‘bust  out’ and look for something different?

All  my  friends   were  married  with  families  and   I  was  still  unsettled.    It  was  a  time  of transition  and a fearlessness to move  forward.   I now  know, we sometimes react  rather than  pro-act,  and  make  conscious  decisions.    I  chose  to  marry  for  fun  and glamour.     I learned to ski, golf  and boat, which  l  couldn’t  afford before.   My  husband was  good  at all  that  and  was  also  a  talented and  creative  builder.   The first  few  years  were fun  until drinking and gambling made an unsettling debut and what was to follow wasn’t pretty. 

One  night, beaten,  full  of  anger  and  sick  from  swallowing  a bottle  of  aspirin,    I  called my  mother.    She  came  and  helped  me  through  the  night  but  told  me  she  truly  didn’t know  me  anymore.    I  had  sunk  to  one  of  my  lowest  points   in  life.    I  was  bruised  and beaten  inside  and out.    Her distain  and concern began  to  bring  back  some reality and connection  to  my  roots.    It  took  some  time  to  climb   out  of  that  hole  but  the  journey wasn’t over yet.

We  separated,  but  unfortunately  I  agreed  to  a  meeting.    We  fought  and  once  again  I was beaten  so badly  that  a friend  he was living with took  me to emergency.   I  couldn’t open my eyes for days  and  when I did the whites were solid  red.  I told my parents that  I had  been  in  a  car  accident.    With  a  last  coupe  de  grace,  months  later  he  came  to  my apartment  to  borrow  the  old  car   I  had  purchased  then  lost  it  in  a   gambling  game, signed  my name  and left town.  I  was  now  destitute.   I had co-signed paperwork  for his company  and  was  fully  responsible  for  the  debt  because  I  had  a  job.    My  wages were garnisheed and I had to walk to work.

I  loved  my  job and  was  supported by  my  boss who  allowed  me to be part  of  a  leased car  pool.  Five  years   later  I   was   able  to  buy  out  the   lease  and   made  $5000.    A  friend talked  me into  investing  in  a  small  cabin in Deep  Cove.   I followed  the advise,  found  a renter and was on my way to a new financial freedom. 

My  strong  upbringing  had  enabled  me  to  endure  these  hard  fought  powerful  lessons and   expedited  my  growth  and   development   into   a  spiritually   fulfilled   life.     

With gratitude to Mom & Dad.

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