They are a full time job and often don’t last without ongoing work and commitment. This is a huge topic because we have many different types of relationships throughout our lives. I will use spousal relationships as an example, but most issues will also relate to other types of relationships. As for experience, I am in my 3rd relationship and think I finally understand.
In other articles, I have talked about how we carry many imprints, patterns and opinions from our childhood and thus we see life through our own unique filters. For this reason we don’t have a clear picture of who we truly are. If the identity created for you is not real and you don’t know that, it is difficult to show your true self to others. With this confusion, how do you know what you want in a relationship? And the same goes for the potential partner.
Considering that we don’t understand this underlying mystery when we enter into relationships, the following offers some advice that can help us learn more about aspects of ourselves. A relationship is a journey we experience with someone else; it offers a mirror reflection of who we are and who we are not. The partner’s actions reflect back to us what we need to learn about ourselves. This is a powerful concept to absorb but it has significant meaning in many parts of our lives. It is important to cast out criticism and blame so we can acknowledge and be thankful for the teacher. We can learn lessons about ourselves if we become an observer and not take things personally.
The early parts of a relationship are often masked by romance and sex, which covers up the personality even further. When this glow diminishes and reality sets in with day-to-day life, we may find we are no longer on the same wavelength. The unknowingness of each other’s true self throws a bag of mixed messages into the pot and genuine communication is difficult. The divorce rate in our society is extremely high and it is easy to see why. Rather than working at healing the root of the problem we bail out in search of someone or something that can fix the problems and make us happy.
We look for permanence, security and love from someone else without healing our own inner demons and discovering our true personality. We work with therapists and lawyers to fix our dilemmas that often lead us to another relationship with the same characteristics. So the cycle continues with new players in the same game of unrest. If someone else’s love is what you believe a relationship is then you need to awaken from this dream and stop needing to experience love through another. You need to love yourself and this love is what attracts others on the same wavelength as you. It is a surrounding force that you can’t even see. It just is.